A.N: just a quick word for those in need of help; specially those suffering mentally.
A little disclaimer: I am sharing because I felt compelled to. If there is a chance that my testimony could help somebody out there, then I am happy. If this is not for you, please be respectful and just enjoy the chapter. Thank you for your comprehension.
If professional counselling did not help: Pray and fast (Important note: please be careful of any existing medical conditions you may have. Fasting doesn't have to be about not eating at all. You can fast by eating vegetarian or giving up something you are so attached/addicted to doing during that period. For example I did not read any stories or watch any secular things on youtube. I only listened to the bible, worship songs and prayers for a whole week. And pray! Get on your knees (if you are physically able to) and praise and worship The Lord. Sometimes you will be woken up automatically between 3 am and 6 am. Get up and pray. It happened to me and I was literally clueless. I had to look it up because it was persistent. I then understood that it was God requesting quiet time with me. So even if you are sleepy. Get up and get on your knees. You can go back to sleep afterwards, like I did. But you have to be sincere. Do not forget that.
I had been feeling really bad for years; anxiety, paranoia, anger, resentment, numbness and even suicidal thoughts. When you are at the end of your rope, there is only one Being in whom you can place your hope and trust.
At least for me.
So I got on my knees and prayed. A random video appeared on my feed one day. Just looking at the title I knew it was His answer to my prayer. I will link it below:
Link
Long story short, I did it.
And I never felt more peaceful in my life.
It was scary to see just how under attack I was mentally. I didn't even realise it. It is only now that my mind is clear, peaceful and calm that I can see just how horrible it was.
And it was an attack because, as I started the fast, illogical thoughts would come into my mind. For example, angry thoughts about having to give up my phone and get down on my knees came into my mind. How can I get angry at things that I decided, in sound mind, to do? Such simple, unimportant things at that.
And getting on my knees didn't bother me so why was that thought here? It felt incongruous.
That is when it hit me; Oh....It was an attack. When I tell you I never got on my knees faster.
And another thing to be vigilant. Because YES, you HAVE TO STAY VIGILANT.
The attacks are so insidious and casual. At the start at least.
Because on the last two days it was bad. Really bad.
I broke down and a feeling of despair, suicide,sadness and anger nearly overwhelmed me. In the moment I did not realise, but now looking back, it was scary and horrifying.
You cannot make things like that up and say, teehee just coincidence.
I got through it with prayer. And going to church. I prayed and prayed and thanked God through it all. Even though I was angry I did it.
And after the last day of my fast, I woke up changed. Literally.
I cannot tell you how peaceful I felt inside.
I was not angry, I no longer held onto resentment and, a very poignant part for me, I got back my soft heart.
When people now tell me good morning, I can reply with a smile and no longer look as if peopled owed me something.
I could donate money to those in need with a light heart and from a place of compassion instead of judging them. Knowing I gave FOR GOD. Because He told me/us to.
It is so freeing.
So please do not give up.
Get on your knees and pray. He will hear you.
He loves you.
And even afterwards stay vigilant. The attacks will lessen and lose hold but the enemy will take any opportunity it can.
I felt it vividly sometimes. I rebuked it everytime.
Pray the Rosary of the Holy Virgin Mary and to Archangel Michael.
They will greatly help you.
Hope you come out changed too.
May His peace and love be with you.
Cheers.
(P.s: I know some will read this and think I am insane. It doesn't matter. The other camp, those who know knows, doing rituals and what not are even more zealous than the most devout of christians.
Let that sink in.
They believe and sacrifice for that thing. If that side believes fervently without an iota of a doubt in the existence of evil, then its opposite must be true. One cannot exist without the other. It was God after all who created all.)
Chapter 8
As soon as they had finished greeting the host, Clementine quickly whispered something to her mother before dragging Cécille away.
In her stupor, Cécille followed blindly for a while before asking, " Clementine, where are we going?"
Clementine stood on her tiptoe and scanned the crowd, "to strike first!"
"Strike first...?" Cécille echoed dumbfoundedly.
Clementine ignored her confusion and muttered to herself, "no groupie crowd in view so that means he must be hiding in some dark corner with the sidekick. Now where would they hide....?"
Clementine frowned pensively before letting out an 'aha'!
Clutching Cécille's hand firmly in hers, she quickly pulled her towards an unobtrusive corridor manned by one servant on both sides. They both bowed to Clementine and made no move to bar access to them.
"Clementine, I have some doubts...... Even though they let us pass, why do I have the impression that we, and by we I mean I, are not supposed to go through here?"
"Because normally that would be the case."
"What?"
"If you were alone you wouldn't be allowed through here. This corridor leads to a private part of the Earl's mansion."
"WHAT?!" Cécille nearly screeched, "what are you thinking?! Are you even thinking at all?! The Earl is going to have my head!"
Cécille tried to free her hand and retrace her steps but it proved that Clementine's frail frame was deceiving. That girl had some force in that body.
Clementine grimaced at the high pitch before scolding, "do stop,Cécille! You are with me so everything will be just fine! The Earl and my father are old acquaintances. They are business partners of some kind. And the Earl knows your father too! That scheming old snak...uh I mean that gentleman likes him. Which is rare! So your presence is not cause for concern. Or else we would have already been stopped by now. So relax a little, will you?"
Cécille looked at her incredulously all while muttering, " 'relax a little', she says! What utter nonsense!"
Clementine gasped mockingly before turning to look at her, "what uncouth words coming from you Cécille! A little faith would be appreciated!"
" I only met you two weeks ago! What faith are you talking about?! A non-existent one?! I can tell you right now that the so called 'faith' is already in the negative right now!"
Clementine gasped, " Cécille! How you hurt me!......Well not really. 'Tis the same for me; if you really did trust me that much by now, I would think you a fool! Like I thought, we really are on the same wavelength! Now, please hush!"
Cécille mouth unflatteringly gaped open. She was about to ignore her shushing but Clementine put a finger to her own mouth and gently hushed her again.
Cécille closed her mouth and scrutinised her face.
Then she furtively observed her surrounding.
Why did she look like that?
Why was she shushing her?
Like she thought, was she about to get in trouble with the Earl?
Or was there some other danger?
At the back, the corridor was like a gaping maw, illuminated dimly by the moonlight coming through the windows. At the front, only a small candle flickered briefly, accentuating shadows with dim, yellow light.
She slowly put her back to the wall and tried to communicate with Clementine with her eyes.
Said communication was a definite failure.
Clementine, being satisfied with her silence, only gestured to her to stay put and gently lifted her skirts.
Cécille watched worryingly as she tiptoed to a dark wooden door further away, taking great caution in not making sounds, and quietly put her ear to the door.
From this far, Cécille could not make out her expression.
What in the heavens was going on?! Was there danger or not?!
Oh, how she regretted not listening to her brother! She should have hidden a dagger or something on herself for self-defense!
Never again!
She would look for a weapon as soon as she got back home and wear it religiously! But for now, her shoes looked pointy enough...
While Cécille was descending into a panic while gazing at her feet, Clementine was blissfully unaware.
She was too preoccupied, trying to discern if there were any voices inside and if said voice belonged to that someone.
Her face scrunched up in concentration as she leaned more firmly against the door.
She could have sworn she heard someone speaking earlier.
Now, it was silent......
Was it her imagination?
As she was doubting herself, the door was abruptly opened and, in a flash, she was pulled inside!
Cécille only had the time to see a gloved hand pull her friend before the door slammed closed.
Her mind went blank for a second.
Then her fight response kicked in.
She wrenched her shoes off her feet and ran.
Right now, she was akin to an enraged bull about to run over any obstacles!
Through her haze, she could faintly hear Clementine saying 'wait' to her attacker. She rammed her shoulder into the door all while twisting the doorknob!
Clementine, who was leaning on the door, was taken by surprise by said door brutal opening. She was violently projected forward and promptly tripped.
By good fortune, she managed to catch herself in the nick of time; before her face kissed the darkwood floor.
As for Cécille, the first thing she saw as she barged in was her friend laying sprawled on her knees before a man.
She acted.
With a cry of war she threw the shoe in her left hand!
The attacker agilely dodged it but he couldn't dodge the body that rammed into his!
Cécille pushed with all her body weight and, by the power of adrenaline, managed to topple him down. She pinned him down with difficulty and went to town with the remaining shoe in her right hand.
Clementine's eyes nearly came out of their orbits as she watched her friend clobber that annoying man with a shoe.
A shoe!
In that moment, she decided.
Cécille was not going to be her friend.
No.
She was claming her as her sister in all but blood and would fight all who would oppose it!
That girl was a treasure beyond words!
Unbidden, quiet laughter spilled out while tears brimmed in her eyes.
The laughter got louder and louder as she listened to all the insults Cécille was letting out as she hit him.
"You heathen! You cockroach! You sewer rat! Mouldy bread left fermenting in a dark corner for years! How dare you attack a lady! How dare you attack my friend in front of my very own eyes! If I do not clobber you into unconsciousness, my name is not Romarin!"
The man tried to gently take hold of her arms but she proved to be stronger than he thought.
Finally he couldn't stand it and swore out loud, " darn it Alden! Are you just going to stand there and watch?! For the love of our friendship, get this fury off of me! You too Clementine!! Get a hold of yourself and stop her!"
It was at this call that a still dark shadow at the corner of the room moved.
Clementine's laugh got stuck in her throat as she stared stupidly.
Since when had he been in the room?
Had he been watching quietly all this time?
She didn't even hear his voice earlier.
Goosebumps errupted on her skin as she watched the dark silhouette detach itself from the shadows and casually stroll towards her friend. She quickly pushed herself to her feet and urgently called out, " wait! She does not mean harm! Please do not hurt her! She is my friend! Cécille! Cécille, can you hear me?! Stop!"
The man ignored her.
Cécille only had the time to lay one more hit before an arm wrapped around her waist and another pinned her arms down in a gentle, but strong hold.
She was then bodily lifted as though she weighed nothing and next thing she knew, her back made contact with a strong chest.
Warmth and the scent of fresh laundry was a shock her senses.
For her, who rarely had physical contact with anyone but family, it was alarming but at the same time, it felt thrilling, like a jolt of electricity down her spine.
Cécille hurriedly turned her head and met a pair of dark eyes.
The darkest she had ever seen in her life.
From this close, she could make out his pores and the few scars adorning his skin. They were faint and nearly blended in.
Her eyes unconsciously skimmed across his face and he silently let her.
He didn't look angry.
In fact, he looked kind of....amused?
Alden was indeed amused.
Albeit at the expense of his friend, but still.
Who would have though such a slim lady could bring down a grown man?
He could faintly feel her trembling as he restrained her.
...Well more like holding now. She had stopped struggling a while ago.
Now, she stayed still in his arms; heaving. With every breath, her chest pushed against her bodice.
Alden was gentleman enough to keep his gaze upwards... Well except for that initial brief glance.
His eyes rested briefly on those familiar lustrous curls before they came to rest on her face.
She was still staring at him in a daze. Why was her reaction so intense?
More questions arose in his mind as he took in her small face with the most beautiful dark amber eyes he had ever seen. It looked like a golden river flowed throughout them.
A button nose with a reddened tip and small, plush lips that looked vividly stained with wine.
Most would find her a bit plain compared to other ladies, but there was a certain charm to her.
Alden's attention was diverted as the other pair in the room started to argue.
How predictable.
"How could you just watch and laugh your backside off while your friend is attacking me?!"
"It is all your fault! Who told you to drag me in like that?! Couldn't you just open the door like a normal person?!"
"For all that is precious, Clementine! I thought it was a person with nefarious intentions listening at the door! I nearly attacked you! Did you know that you were in danger?!"
"I am sorry. There, I said it! Are you happy now?! I just wanted to come find you! I wanted to make sure it was you in the room! I didn't want to knock just for some potentially dangerous stranger to open the door!"
"Then you shouldn't be wandering about alone! Specially in THIS mansion!"
"I was not alone! Cécille was with me! And those two let me in!"
"What were they thinking letting two young ladies wander alone?!"
"Hey! A little respect! One of those ladies gave you a whomping! Hope that bruise on your forehead doesn't hurt too much!"
"You are absolutely impossible! Surely you know I held back! You should be thankful I have so much discipline!"
There was a brief moment of silence before Clementine let out a sigh of concession.
"You are right. Please forgive me.... And it really is fortunate that you did not act on instinct. Thank you."
She then continued in a small voice, " I just wanted to come find you first for once, Raulf."
Raulf put a hand to his forehead and let go of the tension in his body, "that is why I am always the one coming to you, Clementine. Next time, wait for me. Please."
Clementine fidgeted with her hands and nodded, "very well. At least now I know first-hand the reason for this particular habit."
Silence settled as they both stared at each other. There was a palpable tension between them.
Even a blind man would have felt the attraction!
By this point Cécille had come out of her daze and stared at this scene incredulously.
"This is the annoying and handsome 'acquaintance' you were talking about." Cécille deadpanned.
Raulf blinked and perplexingly asked, " you find me handsome?"
Clementine went red in the face and spluttered incoherently.
"Really? That is what you choose to question?" Alden drawled out sarcastically.
Raulf turned on him and snapped, "oh do shut up Alden! It was a valid question! I still remember when someone insisted that I was as handsome as the goldfish in her backyard pond!"
"I was six!" Clementine defended. "Why are you still holding a grudge about that?! You are so petty!"
"Me? Petty?! You still hold a grudge for me telling you your face was as round as an orange! I was nine!" Raulf said in disbelief.
Alden scoffed, "no need to start with this squabble again! You both are petty! You mirror each other so well, so no need to compete!"
"Silence Alden!" They intoned at the same while turning to face the culprit.
"See? So synchronised it is disturbing to watch." Alden mocked.
It was then that Clementine realised that Cécille was still being held by him. Her eyes widened and she accused, "why are you still holding her?! Let go of her this instant! She is still an unmarried woman!"
Alden glanced at Clementine before slowly letting go. He then calmly went to stand beside Raulf and watch Clementine fuss over her friend.
'Cécille, was it?' Alden rolled the name in his mind and memorised it.
Clementine rushed towards Cécille and hugged her. The latter still had a slight tremble in her hands as she returned her hug.
Clementine gently let go with a frown.
Seeing her expression, Cécille lightly shook her head and said, "I am glad you are okay and that it was all a misunderstanding."
Clementine frowned harder but still nodded, albeit hesitantly. "I am so sorry for worrying so, Cécille! I shouldn't have dragged you here. I should have listened to you! Please forgive me?"
Cécille let out a sigh and acquiesced, " you are forgiven. But next time please explain to me then let me decide what to do! Only then can I assume the consequences that come afterwards."
Clementine nodded and smiled, "you were really amazing Cécille! Like a warrior! You got him good!"
Cécille hid her face in her hands and groaned in shame, "please stop speaking! It is so embarassing!"
She abruptly straightened her spine, took a deep breath and walked towards Raulf. The latter couldn't help but take a step back under his friend's scornful eyes.
He watched suspiciously as she bowed her head briefly and spoke, "Please forgive me for my actions, Sir. I hope you will have it in your heart to understand the motif behind them. Did I hurt you terribly?"
Raulf scrutinised her expression for a long moment before starting to feel awkward.
Cécille frowned puzzingly when she felt the heated stares.
The man before her, she could understand his hesitation, but why were the other two trying to pierce a hole in her face?
In the end she couldn't stand it and asked, "what is the matter with you?!"
Clementine squinted at her and asked, "you do not feel it?"
"Feel what?" Cécille asked with exasperation.
Raulf then tentatively said, "attraction...?"
Cécille couldn't help the instinctive repulsion she felt. Her body had already taken a step back and her face scrunched up before she caught herself.
She felt ashamed as she faced the man's gobsmacked expression, " I am so sorry! I didn't mean anything by it! It was pure instinct! No! I mean, don't get me wrong! I am sure that your appearance is tasteful to other ladies.... Your appearance is just fine! My tastes are just a tad different, so....."
Her voice trailed off awkwardly.
Clementine burst out in laughter. She couldn't help it! It was so ironic!
Alden chuckled softly under his breath while Raulf straightened his spine and coughed unnecessarily.
"It is quite alright, Miss. Both matters I mean. I am thankful that Clementine has such a loyal friend in you. And to be frank, it is a breath of fresh air to not have another over-enthusiastic lady after my person!"
Under his breath he muttered, "does sting my pride a tad though."
Alden gave him an unimpressed look, "I am sure you will survive."
Raulf ignored him and fixed Clementine with his eyes. The latter stared back before comprehension appeared on her face.
"Ah yes! Introductions! Pardon my lack of manners!"
She then pointed towards her friend, "This is Cécille, daughter of Lord Hugo Romarin and my newest sister in all but blood!"
Cécille curtsied and gave her strange glance.
Clementine blatantly ignored it and continued, " the one who captured you is Lord Alden Valerian, a longtime friend and vassal state to the Earlgrey Dukedom."
Alden bowed respectfully and Cécille returned it with a curtsy. Her eyes caught his as she lifted her head back, causing her face to warm uncomfortably.
Clementine was ignorant of the fact that she had already lost her friend's attention and powered on, " And lastly, this is Duke Raulf Earlgrey. My betrothed."
Cécille absentmindedly curtsied before snapping out of her daze.
Wait a minute...
"BETROTHED?!"
And that Ladies and Gentlemen, was the unforgettable meeting between future friends, allies and..... family?
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